The Power of No: Standing at the Edge While Everyone Else Jumps
And thoughts on the difference between fear and wisdom
Hey Friend!
This week, I wrote this episode of Creative Matters a little differently. This week, I recorded this newsletter and then transcribed it for your enjoyment. We speak so differently than how we write, don’t we? Feel free to read or to listen.
xx
Happy Mother's Day to the moms out there, to your mothers, to those who are trying, and to those who are mothers in their hearts.
Today I want to tell you about a time where I stood at the edge of a cenote. You might have heard of cenotes, which are essentially these sinkholes filled with water where people go swimming and scuba diving. They're mainly found around the Yucatán Peninsula, and I've always wanted to visit one.
So there I was, standing on a platform above a crystal-clear Mexican cenote, stiff with fear as my entire family. Yes, even my scaredy-cat husband jumped from what was probably a one-story height into the water below.
This moment taught me a lesson that has saved my creativity over the last few months.
To Jump or Not to Jump
Last February in Cancun (my fourth visit, but who's counting?), we discovered this magical cenote. One thing you'll come to know about me is that I love Mexico – the food, the people, the sun. I absolutely adore that you can visit the same country multiple times and have completely different experiences, whether you're on the Gulf side (yes, it's going to be the Gulf of Mexico in my mind) or the Pacific side.
This was my first time experiencing a cenote. The water was so clear we could see gems of blue and green at the bottom. In fact, it was so deep that actual scuba divers were exploring beneath us. Yes, y'all, SCUBA DIVERS! It was so weird to be wading in and looking down, seeing people in scuba gear swimming beneath.
We were paddling around in this magical water when my tween spotted people jumping from a platform above us. Man, his eyes lit up like Christmas morning. He turned to me with those shining eyes and said, "Mama, let's jump in!"
Just like that, my family transformed into daredevils:
My tween in his neon swim trunks (subtle is not in this kid's vocabulary)
My husband, who typically breaks into a cold sweat at heights
My stepdaughter and her boyfriend
Even my sister, who's never been a strong swimmer
They all climbed the steps one by one and jumped in. When my turn came and I looked down, let's just say there were parts of myself that were puckering.
From the water, that platform looked like a casual little hop. From above? It felt like standing on top of the Empire State Building being asked to dive off. My family cheered below while a French couple and their kids (cute as nimble squirrels) jumped around me.
I'd run toward the edge, then at the last moment I would say, "No-no-no-no!” before retreating. And here's what I realized. I do not like heights.
You know what? I didn't jump into that beautiful, crystal-clear water. I turned around and climbed down that ladder with dignity. I could swim from the sides like a normal person to the middle of that cenote with no problem.
The Weekly Amnesia
What makes no sense, though? Every Tuesday, my son and I go rock climbing at a gym. And every single Tuesday, I climb up the walls only to reach the top and think, "I did it again. I do not like heights. Why do I keep doing this?”
It happens like clockwork, as if my memory resets weekly. The difference? When climbing, I know I can come back down the same way I went up. Jumping off a ledge into what looks like a bottomless pit? That's not fear talking – that's my boundary putting up a neon sign saying, "Uh-uh, not for me, not today.”
This whole episode wasn't embarrassing because I was clear about my boundaries. I didn't feel fear or shame because I recognized there was a line I wasn't going to cross. Jumping off high places was simply not for me.
When"No" Becomes Your Power Move
This moment got me thinking about how we talk about fear as creatives. We discuss it a lot in Creative Matters and on the podcast because we, as creatives and humans, continue to struggle with it.
People say, "Just launch already!" or "Feel the fear and do it anyway!" They chant this (and yes, I've said it too). They ask, "What's the worst that could happen?"
My son tried similar tactics: "Mama, if you do it, you'll be proud! You'll make great memories! You won't regret it!"
Maybe I wouldn't have regretted it, but here's the thing, I didn't want to do it in the first place.
What nobody tells you is that sometimes, fear is your internal GPS saying you're heading in the wrong direction. This isn't the same as letting fear stop you from sending that proposal, raising your prices, or guesting on a podcast. Those fears are worth pushing through because they help you reach another level.
The difference is between:
"This scares me because it matters."
"This scares me because it's genuinely not right for me."
"This scares me because it's not right for me right now."
Your Cheat Sheet
How do you tell the difference between the fear that helps you grow and the fear that signals a boundary? Try these questions:
Does this feel like a roller coaster (exciting-scary) or like someone asking you to pet a venomous snake (wrong-scary)?
If your best friend wanted to do this exact thing, would you encourage them or secretly think they're being foolish?
If you removed all the "shoulds" and expectations, would you still want to do this?
Is the voice saying "don't do it" coming from your insecurity or your intuition?
When I owned my decision not to jump, there was no embarrassment, shame, or doubt. There's power in knowing your limits and honoring them without apology.
Your Creative Boundaries
In your creative work, honoring boundaries might look like:
Not starting TikTok just because everyone says you"have to" (Don't do it if you don't want to!)
Setting firm working hours (No, you can't hop on a call at 3 p.m. on Sunday because Sundays are your days of rest)
Creating a business model that works for YOUR life, even if the gurus or know-it-alls don't recommend it
Choosing clients and projects that energize rather than drain you
In our creative life and work, we must honor our boundaries and design our practice around who we actually are – not who we think we should be.
Sometimes courage looks like taking a big leap, but other times it looks like walking back down the ladder while everyone watches, completely unbothered.
This cenote experience taught me that I don't need to prove anything by jumping off high places. The joy of swimming on my own terms is valid. Exploring the edges of magical water while keeping both feet planted where I want them is just as valid.
Your Turn
What "jump" is someone pressuring you to take that doesn't feel right? Where in your creative life are you confusing your should-do's with things you actually want to do?
I'd love to hear your thoughts! Drop a comment or tag us on Instagram with #KnowYourBoundaries.
Stay Creative,
Martine x
You can only jump when you jump!